


The Diagnose

by Tolu_Hearts



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Fading Away, Isolation, Memory Loss, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Mind Control, Mind Games, Mind Manipulation, Realistic, Schizophrenia, Shadow Monsters, Whispers, Worst-Case Scenario, good to bad, taking over, taking place in the 1900's hundred, voices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 15:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16789909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tolu_Hearts/pseuds/Tolu_Hearts
Summary: This is a story about a person who is diagnosed with a mental illness in the 1900 hundred. We follow the person through the pain, terror and confusion with the disease.It is a realistic story but notice that this is a worst-case scenario. Many people go with this illness their whole life and still live a happy, normal lives.





	The Diagnose

**Author's Note:**

> This story was not written to scare you of mental illnesses, it was written for entertainment and maybe to help you understand better how mental illness victims may feel.

19XX Sixth of April| entry One

So, I was at the doctor today. They told me to start writing in this journal a couple times a week, I’m suppose to write about what I’ve been doing, my feelings and how I’ve been.

I’ve been fine for the most part. They haven’t given me a diagnose yet, so I’m waiting for that. It’s also been quite for the past time being, so that have been very nice.

I don’t really know what else do write right now, so I’ll come back in a week or so.

19XX Thirteens April | entry Two

I still haven’t gotten word from the doctors yet. Also, _they_ have gotten active again. I can hear _them_ , but distant. I try to ignore _them_ for the most part.

So, for what I’ve been doing this week:

Well, Monday I went shopping for groceries, Tuesday I relaxed watching some movies, Wednesday I had my friend and his brother over for dinner, Thursday nothing really happened and today it’s Friday, nothing special. I’m starting work again on Monday, I’m excited for that.

I work at a local middle school where I help the especial challenged kids with math and such. I miss those kids, they’re always full of hope and cheer.

That’s pretty much it for this week, so see you again.

This week have been amazing! When I came into work Monday, the kids had made welcome back cards to me and where all so excited for my return! I was so surprised and happy, I might even had let a tear go.

The doctors are supposed to contact me within the next two weeks or so, for me to come in again and receive my diagnose. I’m a bit nervous about what I’ll hear, but I won’t let that put me down. I can’t wait to see the kids again tomorrow!

19XX Thirty-first April | entry Six

I was called by the doctors yesterday and was told to come in tomorrow. I’m finely getting a diagnose. I wonder what it’ll be. I really have no idea, I just want to know what’s wrong with me.

19XX Fifth of May | entry Seven

So.. I was at the doctor the other day, and they told me that I have schizophrenia. I’ve been reading a lot about it to get more information and I must say it fits pretty well with my symptoms. After the doctor’s appointment _they_ have been very active again. I keep hearing whispers that I don’t understand and weird sound from the kitchen.

The doctor said it’s normal, but that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. My plan is to try and keep ignoring it and live a happy life. What else should I do?

Anyways, the kids at school are so sweet and supportive. They ask me if I’m doing ok and show big appreciation to the help, I give them. I wish I can do this for the rest of my life!

19XX Eleventh of May | entry nine

Life if getting harder. I keep reading articles of people with schizophrenia and the horrible things they have done. I just can’t help myself, I need to know what this disease might do to me if I’m not careful. It’s freaky and scary, how can an illness make someone do those terrible, terrible things? Well, it is a mental illness, so that properly why.. 

What if it takes over me too? What if I can’t handle the stress and it all gets to much? What will I do then? What would I do..?

19XX Twenty-seventh of May | entry Twelve

I’m.. good. I started going to therapy to talk about my symptoms and problems. They have offered to give me medicine, but I declined. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to just shut all of it out. What if I take the medicine and end op being a whole different person? It has happened many times before with people taking medicine!

I-I don’t want to be someone else. So for now, it’s a no.

19XX Fourth of June | entry Twenty-one

The voices have begun talking to **me**. It’s not just words or whispers anymore, they are _actually talking_ to me. Are my symptoms escalating? They must be, but why? Do they not like the therapist? The kids at school?- No it can’t be that. What is it? Is it my new diet? But the doctors recommended it!

I don’t like what they say. Calling people around me mean things. Not only strangers, but my friends and family too! It’s getting harder and harder to ignore..

19XX Tenth of June | entry Twenty-seven

It’s bad. It only get’s worse. Getting loader and loader, telling me to do these, _awful_ things. I don’t want to do it, no, I’m not bad- I’m good! I’m good.. I’m a good person… R-right?

19XX Twenty-fifth of June | entry Thirty-three

I’m losing my mind. They’re yelling at me, they don’t stop yelling. When I’m alone they pump thoughts, imaginations into my head- I-I can’t take it. I want it to stop- _need_ it to stop!

My therapist doesn’t know, I can’t tell her. If I do, they’ll get even angrier! I need to keep it secret, to myself, don’t tell anyone. I got this, I got this..

19XX Seventeenth of July | entry Forty-five

I’m seeing things. Things that aren’t there. There’re shadows following me around. They’re everywhere, not one moment where they aren’t in the corner of my eyes!

They keep telling me to do awful things to not only myself but other people too. The thoughts I have, the imaginations! How can I think such things!? It’s them! They’re putting it in my head! T-they’re doing this to me. They’re destroying my mind!

19XX xXx July| entry fifty-xxx

I can feel them. The shadows touching me and whispering in my ears. It’s not only when I’m alone anymore but in public too. Surrounding me in darkness 24/7. I can’t even sleep anymore. The feeling of being watched from a far and the nightmares. Oh.. The nightmares…

They say I should listen, do what they say. It would be easier that way. Should I do as said? I don’t know anymore. I’m just.. so… tired….

19XX ??? | entry ???

I don’t know what’s real or fake anymore. Am I even real? Or is this all just a dream? No. Not a dream, a nightmare.. I see shadow-monsters everywhere instead of real people. When they talk, I don’t understand what they say. It’s like they speak in another languish..

My memory is slowly fading away. There are spot in the days and weeks I don’t remember. Some of my stuff are disappearing slowly as well. I’m cut of from the outside world. What day is it? Monday, Tuesday? Maybe even Friday? I don’t know.

I can’t even remember when I last spoke to human being. I have some memories of conversations that isn’t mine. The words comes out of my mouth, but it’s not me speaking..

19XX Fifteenth of November | entry One-hundred-forty-seven

I can’t remember the last 2-3 months of my life. The police found me unconscious on my floor with a bloody knife in hand. My wrist, cut. There was blood everywhere..

That was about 3-4 weeks ago. Ever since, I’ve been in this mental health hospital. They’re forcing me to take pills and other kind of medicine and fluids. It tastes awful..

I can’t feel emotions anymore, not that I have been able to for a while.

I used to be a happy math teacher for special challenged kids, I had a wonderful family and amazing friends. I had a normal happy life. Now, I sit on a chair and stare out into the nothingness of a cell room, for hours on no end. I don’t remember my friends and family. Only a few memories of them with no faces are left.

I can’t feel nor think straight anymore. My mind is blurry, destroyed. It’s not even mine anymore. I still have blackouts, where I can’t remember what have happened. The doctors have told me that they have had interesting and very intelligent conversations with me. Conversations about politics, the world vision and many other topics. They say that I’m like a completely different person. The way I talk, the words I use, the way I think, the weird hand gestures. 

They also told me, how I told them, about all the stuff I did in all my blackouts. But the strangest thing, they said, was how I referred to myself as another person. This shocked me to most. I don’t remember ant of this.

I still have nightmares at night, so I rarely sleep. The shadow monsters are still here too, though not as much. So I guess the medicine works. Kind of. But it does so I have no appetite. I never eat anymore. The only reason I’m still alive is because the doctors give me nutrients through a tube that goes directly into my bloodstream. It’s not because I won’t eat when they tell me too, I just puke it up immediately after swallowing. 

One of the doctors just opened the door to my cell. It’s time for my daily checkup and tests.

19XX Fifteenth November | entry One-hundred-forty-eight

Greetings readers. It’s a pleasure finely meeting you. Do not fret your little heads about our friend here, I am taking great care of them. They just does not know yet.

How rude of me for not introducing myself. The name’s **James**. I’ve been here for a long time, longer than you all. But only recently have I gotten the control. I, of cause, let our friend here have some time too, but his fragile little mind is so destructive that it is not _safe_ anymore. So I will have to do for the most part.

It is a shame with them though, they had such a fine piece of mind. Now split in pieces. Far, far gone.

It has been delightful chatting with you all for a bit, but I have to get back to work. They’re not getting out of here by them selves after all.

**FIN.**


End file.
